This story is part of the archived and updated series of previous works.
Hello and welcome from the Mortal Lines Express Company; the next level in transportation for the corporeally deceased. You’ve chosen a multi-world leader in postmortem travel and we intend to make your journey to the religious iconographical promised land of your choosing as pleasant as possible
During your trip, there are a few rules and regulations you will need to adhere to in order to successfully reach your religious iconographical destination of choice. Please listen closely as you will not be warned again.
Be sure to keep all incorporeal essence of your ghostly apparition inside the cabin at all times. Do not inquire with the staff on the dangers of leaving part of your essence outside the train’s exterior. Should you insist on inquiring be careful not to damage the train during your expulsion into the cold disruptive terror of the phantom universe of the living world. The staff is here to make your trip pleasant, not fulfilling.
Remember to stay in the correct iconographical related cabin for your chosen destination. If your iconographical destination is not a registered cabin, please move to the end car at this time to avoid misplacement. A staff member will be along shortly to offer you employment until your iconographical representation is popular enough to warrant it as an acceptable destination. All offers of employment are one time and effective immediately. Failure to accept an offer of employment will lead to your immediate expulsion into the cold disruptive terror of the phantom universe of the living world.
Should a living person or persons board the train at any time due to a quest, mistake, talisman gathering, religious/spiritual/metaphysical mission, greed, or random wandering, be sure to report this incident to the conductor and avoid the inevitable battle as you may be disrupted and left behind in the cold disruptive terror of the phantom universe of the living world.
Please note that this last rule need not apply to necromancers, non-human entities, and other travelers to and from the mortal world that possess a special pass. You will know this pass when you see it as the mortal languages you are used to hearing could not comprehend the true description of such an artifact.
Should you personally cause a disruption on the train that causes a delay in schedule or damage to the train or employee, you will not be pushed into cold disruptive terror of the phantom universe of the living world. Rather, you will be imprisoned and have your incorporeal form twisted into part of the train to help repair or improve its functionality for eternity or until the services offered by the Mortal Line Express Company are no longer functional or necessary. Whichever comes first.
Again, thank you for choosing Mortal Line Express Company for your post-living needs. Your eternity is our business.
This story was originally written back in 2010 during my first attempt at writing flash fiction on a regular basis. While the majority of that fiction is evident of my skill level at the time, this one struck me as fun enough to bring forward. It’s had some editing since it’s original posting on March 11, 2010, but the concept remains the same.